Weather people say 70 today

Living in Massachusetts - from what people tell me - this is a typical March. We are going to have a 70 degree day today then Friday into Saturday snow. Well here's to March -- can't wait for April.

Fun with science.....

Found this link yesterday which has a bunch of neat science art sorta things. This one for a baby caught my eye.

Have fun...

Nana and Papa are coming

Hi everyone-





Nana and Papa (my parents) are coming up for a week long visit. What a wonderful gift. Not only do my parents get time to share with the twins, they are also being the primary care giver for the week while we are at work during the week. Very way cool. Daycare only needs to get half of their amount - awesome - so we will treat my parents to a few things while they are here. Hopefully the weather will cooperate enough -- it will be cold -- just no ice please.

Okay now what....

....do you do when both parents are sick and the twins are fine? Looks like Aline and I came down with either food poisoning or some sorta flu-like bug -- maybe even norovirus (same thing you get on a cruise ship). Well you invite your sister-in-law (Aline's sister) to come over to help ... and then when she needs to leave you invite a friend from church to come over to help with the non-sick twins. Well then you find out today that they are sick. And you are just getting better. We feel very bad for the people we made sick, but we are also very greatful that they came to our aid to help us out.

Thanks you so very much for help us and our twins. And we are truely sorry for passing along whatever this was/is.

Kevin and Aline

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas--

It was a great Christmas with our family. The first Christmas for our girls. It was so much better than last year. The only draw back was Aline was feeling a little green -- stomach bug. As far as the gifts go - we where spoiled with not only materialistic things but also the love of family. It was very important to Aline and I that our girls share their gifts with everyone this holiday season.

It was also important to include our son in the holiday plans. Ryan has a stocking which had some materialistic gifts -- but he also allowed us to reflect on the gifts that we have today and everyday.

Have fun....

The sleeping of babes

Hi everyone-

Well it has been a week of sleeping for the girls at least. Parents are still getting used to the idea of not waking up. And my wife still gets "VERY uncomfortable" in the middle of the night requiring a pumping session. But as some seasoned parents have reminded us, teeth are on the way...and sleepless nights will return.

Having fun....

Oxiclean vs. Plumbers Putty

Oxiclean wins.

Yes -- not to dis this fine product because let me tell you it works wonders on getting baby stains clean -- it does a number on your plumbers putty. So during those sleep deprived nights we started to have a few blowouts from the girls. Well we would soak the clothing with a little oxiclean and after a few soakings with some of the clothing we noticed that the sink would no longer hold water. Not having much sleep we just moved the clothing to another sink. And the new sink started to not hold water again after several soakings. So onto the 3rd and finally the 4th sink. Well you may ask how many sinks do we have -- 5 bath sinks. Before the final sink was used I put a stop to any more soaking in the sinks -- I think that day I had more sleep. Basically I believe that the release of the oxygen ate away at the plumbers putty. Well no worries - just repack the sinks and we are all good. 2 hours later and the sinks are holding water again. And yes we still use Oxiclean because there simply is nothing else for the money that will get out baby stains -- but now we use a plastic tub to soak the clothing.


Having fun....

"By George I think"....

.....they have finally slept through the night. WOW!!! Okay six months and the girls have finally slept through the night. Well the first time was Sunday into Monday. We had to get up twice to replace the binkys to keep them asleep. However last night they finally made it through the night -- well at least they went from 9:30 -> 4:30 -- we get up at 5AM. Ugh just typing that makes me tired. Well this is a great thing. That certainly is a very nice Christmas gift the girls are giving us.....the gift of sleep.

Having fun....

AIM Bot that spells....

Hi everyone-

Well I've finally done it -- I finally have figured out how to spell. Well at least I don't have to pull up Marriam Websters every time now to figure out how to spell something. I also new that there had to be an AIM bot which would be able to spell and stuff. Well there is a such a thing -- or at least this is the one that I found:

SmarterChild

If someone out there has a better place let me know.

Having fun...

Halloween Fun -- Two Peas in a Pod

Hi everyone-

Well it was the twins first Halloween. I guess we are having a bunch of firsts this year.....



Aline and I decided that since we had twins and we saw the pea pod costume that we could pull off "Two Peas in a Pod"....

Having fun....

And the winner is.....

From My Pictures

The Toyota Sienna.

Out of all of the cars that we test drove, this car seemed to be the best selection. It really came down to two vehicals -- the Honda Pilot and the Toyota Sienna.

And just to make sure everyone understands -- the twins really like it as Aline also really likes the new car.

having fun...

Twins declare cars too small -- request parents to upgrade

Hi everyone-

With a headline like that -- who could resist.

After the twins arrived we knew the cars would be fine for a while, but now we are driving longer distances with more stuff and the cars are quickly becoming packed. As such I spent a good portion of the weekend test driving new cars. The list is as follows:

Mini-van category

(1) Toyota Sienna

SUV category
(1) Honda Pilot
(1) Hyundia Santa Fe
(2) Jeep Commander
(3) Honda Highlander
(4) Ford Explorer

Okay the Explorer just sucked. Too truck like and for the money you get more stuff in the other vehicals.

Honda Highlander would have been #2, but the DVD entertainment gets played from the dash -- it would be difficult to see in the second or third row without an after market player/screen -- so what's the point.

Jeep is #2 -- but gas mileage for this vehical is 16/19 and for a commuting vehical that sucks.

The Pilot and Sante Fe are tied. The Sante Fe really surprised me. Hyundia has come a long way reguarding their cars. It had to make you stop and think about the decision. But because it costs the same as the Pilot you go for the Honda.

The Toyota Sienna however is just the people moving machine. As much as we don't necessary like a minivan it certainly has its advantages. Well stayed tuned.

Having fun...

Flying with Twins

Hi everyone-

The girls took their first flight to see nana and papa in Maryland. Also it was a chance to see great-grandmother Davis. Since Rachael has her middle name from Great Grandmother it was very important to us for her to see Rachael. Besides Great Grandmother really wanted to see the both of the girls. Also my cousin had a wedding that weekend - which was the real reason we where going down.

So onto the flight. We actually packed pretty well -- mom and dad (my parents) already had the two pack-n-plays that we would need, the diapers and wipes, plus some toys. So that extra bag that you sometimes need to pack for a trip was not needed. We had a bag for the girls and a bag for my wife and I. Granted they where pretty big bags but hey pretty good considering. Then for the plane -- we had the diaper bag, a small carry on bag, two car seats, a duo stroller, two bases. Checking in -- not so bad with Southwest. The girls did not even need their birth certificates because they definitally looked like they where less than two. Getting through security was the next hurdle. And boy was it a bunch of fun. Okay -- my wife was going to take both children through the metal detector. Make sure the before you go through the detector that you have secured all pacifiers (binks whatever you call them) to the baby or parent -- more later.

We approach the TSA employee and the eyes get pretty big -- so everything goes through the xray machine -- with the exception of the babies. Also with the new travel restrictions you need to show them the expressed breast milk -- more than 3 OZ -- and make sure that the diaper creame is less than a 3 oz tube. Hand sanitizer should also be less than 3 oz. Getting through the xray machine was next -- shoe bin, coat bin, liquid bin, bag, bag, car seat (turned over), car seat (turned over), base, base, stoller colapsed. It was almost like running the gauntlet - fun. Got through and did not notice that we lost a binky along the way -- oops. Turns of the good people of the TSA found it and threw it away. Gee thanks. Well like all good parents you always have a backup.

Through security. Lessons learned: one person deals with the babies, you only need your license not your entire wallet, and secure the binky.

Okay onto the plane. Half hour -- okay so nursing mothers need a constant supply of water to keep up milk production. Going through security they don't allow you to bring a quantity of liquids through to keep that supply up. Just on the other side of security there should have been some water to consume. Well there was if the business had been open. Luckily one was just closing and had some water that they where willing to part with at $2.50 / .5l. At that price we could buy a case of water 4 times over -- oh well. Getting onto the plane. The gate attendant told us that there where 4 seats left and we could use one for a car seat. Great. We did not pay for a child seat (not knowing that there is also an infant seat) so we saw this as a way to give us a little more room. Come to find out they moved other passengers onto the plane from previously flights. So we had to give up the seat -- no big deal it was my wife, myself, our two children and this other passenger. Then the flight attendant come up.

"You can't have 5 people sitting in a row....there are only 4 oxygen masks". What!??! "Someone is going to have to move to another row...and not the row in front of you because that is a bulkhead row." Luckly a nice lady from behind moved to our row making it 4 people and I sat behind my wife. Now we needed to fill a bottle with expressed milk for the child that I was holding whom by now was screaming her little head off because of the new environment, being hungry, etc. I kept my cool, so did my wife and we made it through take off. The child I was holding reacted well to the actual take off -- her eyes did get pretty big and she started sucking quicker for the rotation and climb phase...calmed down a little, then started the same again when we started to level off. It was neat to watch.

During the flight we changed babies -- I had the other child now for landing she just sucked away on the pacifier for landing having nursed. Getting off of the plane was uneventful.

Everything we had gate checked (stroller and two car seats) showed up, our bags showed up, and life was good.

Take away from the flight: (1) buy an extra seat, (2) buy an extra seat, (3) and make sure you get that extra seat.

Our stay in MD was exciting. Saw a bunch of friends and family. Need to seem them more often.

The flight back with the extra seat was what the flight down to MD should have been...relaxing. On board this time the flight attendant gave us water such that my wife could stay hydrated. And remember that even though you fly the babies will have extra gas upon landing so just remember to give them anti-gas meds to help alivate the post flight pain.

All in all a great trip -- will do it again.

Having fun

3 months and counting

Hi there-

Well the girls are 3 months old today ... wow - how times flies. We have accomplished a bunch of things over the last three months.

(1) Gotten more sleep -- we have moved from 1.5 hours of sleep every three hours to 3 hours of sleep every 4.5 hours.

(2) We have gained more weight 11.1 lbs for Hope and 14 lbs for Rachael.

(3) We have been baptised

(4) We have our first cold (upper respiratory coughing and sputtering)

Having fun....

The Birth Annoucements

Hi everyone-

Well Aline and I have been trying to get the birth annoucements together and finally figured out that people have already done a ton of these so why recreate the wheel again. We could always just copy a design -- but then that bring about moral and ethical problems -- so we found a website that looks like it has a really nice annoucement that we are going to use:

Announcing A Baby-Photo Birth Announcements

Stay tuned for it to show up in your mailbox.

Baby Rock -- Metallica

For all of you heavy metal parents that don't get to play "their kind of music" around the kids -- look no further. A friend had this on his blog page -- and I simply had add it to my blog page as well. For instance songs from the band Metallica are now in baby form.

Check out Metallica's
One and then Baby Rocks version of
One . Simply Awesome!!!!!

Hopefully the band will see the need and not persue legal action against them.

Have fun and rock on....

Windows XP Service Pack 2 Problem Solver

Windows XP Service Pack 2 Problem Solver

Automated Postal Centers are AWESOME!

Hi everyone-

Today I had to mail a package from the postoffice. While mailing a package is not a problem getting to the post office to actually mail it during their business hours is a pain. Now that the post office has 24 hour Automated Postal Centers it makes this such a breeze. Just walk up to the kiosk and the 'ATM like' machine guides you through the whole process. It even handled my box that I was shipping. Talk about convience -- this is something that should be done more often.

Kevin

Nursing Twins

Hi everyone-

Well it will be 7 weeks (tommorrow) since the twins (Rachael and Hope) have entered our lives. One of the biggest challenges has been nursing the twins. On a piece of advice from a lactation consultant we purchased a twin nursing pillow. Most everyone buys a boppie -- but for nursing two at once you really need something that will support both babies. We highly recommend this pillow.

Froogle Search

Baby Update

Hi everyone-

Well we are 3 week old now...wow how time flies.

Yesterday's doctor visit has Rachael at 6#10oz and Hope at 6#1oz. We are so happy that they have continued to increase their weights and remain healthy.

Picture to be added later tonight.

Having fun

It's 2 Girls

Hi everyone-

We had an online secret -- for the past 35 weeks my wife an I where expecting twins. While I generally wanted to share with everyone my fears and joy -- I decided that it would be better carma to only share with everyone once they showed up. Well on June 20th at 4:42 and 4:43 my daughters where born!!!!!!!!!!

The joy these two girls have brought us are unmeasurable.

Having fun

Great Chicken Sates

Hi everyone-

We had a great meal yesterday using a recipe we had found in the latest issue of Gourmet magazine (click the picture for the recipie -- BTW the picture is from the magazine not our creation -- although it was close). It was really quite tasty. We did remove the fish sauce and substitute 1/2 t. of Asian mustard instead. Aline is just not into the fish sauce at all. We also used a stick blender to puree everything together.

Very tasty.

We also made the ginger pineapple fried rice....no modifications.

It was a great Sunday evening meal.

Have fun

Happy 1st Birthday Ryan Daniel

Dearest Ryan,

I can't believe it ... it has been a whole year. Your Mommy and I are still terribly missing you. But for your first birthday we decided to make the most of the day. We started the day by dropping off a case of diapers, a case of wipes, and two containers of formula at the Loves and Fishes food bank. Great new facility which really serves the surrounding community. So hopefully a needy family will get some great use out of those items.

Then it was off to Harvard Outdoor Power Equipment -- definitely a Ryan-Daddy stop. The lawn mower needed new wheels and a general tune up. Well the parts are being ordered and should be here next week. So next weekend it will be time to service the snowthrow and the lawn mower.

Next stop is Cupp and Cupp Nursery. Here Mommy and Daddy decided to get you a hanging plant. Plus we got another butterfly bush. Grampa Sangrey gave us a butterfly bush last year - it did so well that we thought another one would make it all that more wonderful.

Then we went to the cemetery. We did your seasonal change over - from winter silk flowers to the living flowers for the growing season. You had Ms. Jenn stop by before Mommy and Daddy got there. I'm sure she had a touching conversation with you -- probably asked if Ben and you where getting along. I'm sure you are -- he is the one wearing the duck outfit. Mommy and I read you a few books and blew some bubbles. We hope people will stop buy and blow some bubbles.

We have been looking for little signs of Ryan around today -- saw the first dragon fly of the year. That was way cool.

Then it was back home for a quick bite. After lunch we decided to plant the butterfly bush and open the cards people have sent. We did the same thing about this time last year -- we sat and opened cards every night for about 2 weeks straight. A lot of people offered your Mommy and Daddy support -- and they continue to -- last year it was wonderful.

Father Tom from All Saint's Episcopal called and left a wonderful message. We just missed him before he is going off on sabbatical.

Then before Aunt Karla and Uncle Scott comes over for dinner - we went to Kimball's Farm for ICE CREAM. Your mommy and I have decided that we will resist going to Kimball's each year until your birthday. This will be a good tradition.

Your God parents - Ron and Rebecca sent all of us some beautiful yellow roses. They are on the Mother's table.

Dinner tonight will hopefully be Chinese from Bamboo.

Ryan -- we profoundly miss you. Ryan -- we profoundly love you.

Happy Birthday

Mommy and Daddy

The garter Snake -- Official Snake of Massachusetts

Hi everyone-

I just about fell off my chair when I saw the following:

"The Senate approved today house bill 3453 which made the garter snake the official reptile of Massachusetts."

Wow!

Now that is something that I need my elected officials spending time on....no we don't have a problem funding our school systems, or, or, universal health care funding...or, or, I don't know something other than this must be more important.

Kevin

Update: Here is the article about the introduction of the bill.

Update:Apparently exiting governor Mitt Romney signed it into law January 2007.

Movie Review: The Rookie

Hi everyone-

Last night we watched the movie entitled "The Rookie". It was a very interesting movie -- full of the struggle between a Vietnam era father figure who was in the Navy which moved the family often and the main characters struggle for a passion to play baseball. The struggle continued into his adult life -- trying to realize his dream of play professional baseball. Then what he does when he realizes his dream is also an amazing turn in the movie. The movie was based off a real life story depicted in the book " The Rookie: The Incredible True Story of a Man Who Never Gave Up on His Dream ". I was really hesitant to watch the movie at first, but I found the film to be better than I first thought. A definite watch -- 3 out of 5 stars.

Have fun,

Kevin

411 on Cingular

Hi everyone-

Well I am certainly frustrated with Cingular right now. Over the weekend I wanted a phone number for my insurance representative -- I knew the city and state and the representatives company name. Well the nice cingular person asked for "What city" -- spoke and spelled the name, "What state", spoke the name -- Massachusetts....not to many other states, "What listing", spoke and spelled the name. "I'm sorry but I don't have a listing in that city but I have one in Wellsley"...Strange their office is not in that city. Can you please check again..."sorry only that listing". Fine give me the number. The number you requested "AG Edwards" ... I asked for Everrett and Sons Insurance -- How did you get AG Edwards? So then I called back and did the same thing. This time I got the right answer!!! Okay to batting .500. Not so good when it costs $1.25 per instance. So that is why I am pushing -- 1-800-FREE411. Granted you have to listen to an ad for a product but what the hell....cheaper than the $1.25 and they got the answer correct on the first try!

Sounds like I need to do an experiment.....

Stay tuned.

Kevin

Driving -- what's that?

Hi everyone-

Can you say "Has it already been 6 months" and now you can drive again. Yeah. So after 6 months I can drive again. What a relief! Also wow there are crazy people on the road. I guess it give you a new sense of awareness.

Safe driving everyone.

Kevin

Jury Duty

Hi everyone-

Well yesterday I called to do my civic duty -- Jury duty. Yes the famous/imfamous call that is truely a sign of a democracy. Being called to be a juror is sometimes daunting - especially when it is a criminal instead of a civil trial. After the case is decided I will get into what exactly the case was about - but to be fair to everyone going through the process today and for the next several days I will wait for the results.

If everyone thinks that it was a problem to be a juror think again. It is not that bad - yes they do put you in a room and not much goes on - but it is great for people watching. And if you are into people watching it can be a real blast. For me it was a real blast.

So if you get called to be a juror -- just go and people watch.

Kevin

Friday Night Lights

Hi everyone-

Well we have finally done it -- watched a movie that we found entertaining then relized the next morning that it was about our generation...yikes! Yeah we thought that the movie was done well -- we thought that the interviews on the DVD were great when they started to talk to the real people. Yeah then this morning my wife and I figured out that the football season was Sept-Dec 1989 -- our senior year of high school. We thougth last night that the people on the screen where in the late 30's or early 40's. Wrong they are our age. Wonderful. Anyway a good movie to watch non-the-less.

Friday Night Lights

Bose Headphones -- WOW!

Hi everyone

For my birthday I got:

I must say they are simply the best. When I am at work it keeps all of the background noise to a minimum and I can have my iPod playing on a low volume. I don't usually do product recommendations but this is a really great product.

Bose QuietComfort 2 Noise Cancelling Headphones - Headphones and Headsets

Taxation inequity

Hi everyone-

I am just getting through my son's stillborn death in May and tax season has brought up all of these emotions telling me how unfair the tax code is. If my son had taken a breath and lived for just a little bit we would have been able to claim my son for just this year as well as deducting the funeral expenses. But because my son was 39.5 weeks into our pregnancy and stillborn we can't claim anything -- not even the funeral expenses. Hell I can claim a car as a deduction....something is really wrong with this. Grrrrrrr...... well time to write my representatives and get this changed.

Kevin

StopBadware.org

Hi everyone-

I know that many of us have to fight ouf adware, spyware, or other things that we really don't want on our computer. The website StopBadware.org is a place for people to come together and collectively fight all of thise bad software hence badware. Check it out.

Mythbusters

Hi everyone-

My wife and I are huge Mythbusters fans. It is a great show on the Discovery Channel. The basic premise of the show is prove whether an urban myth is true or not. It is a great show and certainly works well with the scientist in both of us.

The just put out some "Lost" material from some of their episodes. Enjoy the material.

Kevin

History of Computer Security

HI everyone

I have always like to dabble in computer security ... nothing illegal just facinated how you make these computing thingys protected from unwanted visitors. These are the early papers stem from work done by the DoD and others to protect those computers. Many of the "new" computer security things have come out of these papers.

History of Computer Security

Also for those of you who might want to find the "Rainbow series" look here.

have fun,

Kevin

Happier New Year

Hi everyone-

Happy New Year -- and with a new year it means a new outlook on life - or at least putting away last years problems. So with that lets just say that 2005 was a very tough year for myself. The birth and death of my son. The seizure. Lets just say that it is enough to rip some people apart. I would like to look at it as an opertunity for growth both emotionally and spiritually.

So far the year is starting off GREAT!

Looks like we will be getting some more snow today. So far this winter we have gotten an 18" storm, a 12" storm and a 2 inch storm. Today's storm should bring with it anywhere from 3-6 inches. Some are saying a foot -- we shall see.

Today is just cleaning up the office and getting ready for tax season. You know I actually enjoy doing them with the help of some tax software. Getting everything in order puts last year in perspective and starts you thinking about what you need for next year.

I personally would like to see myself get better at investing our money.

So go have fun,

Kevin

Tis the season ... sorta

Hi everyone-

Well it has been a very interesting year. Christmas is upon us and while I know that Christ is with us all of the time - this time of year you are reminded about the birth. Well this year I am very mindful about Jesus' birth and what that means but this year the birth of my son and death of my son way heavy on my heart...

So for this I pray that with a new year (the church year starts at the beginning of Advent) the weight on my heart is lessoned.

Peace.

Winter is here

Hi everyone-

Well after the "white" Thanksgiving that we had - today was another snowy day. Maybe this week we will have our first nor'easter...and then maybe not.

Just watching the Mummy Returns -- one of the favorite movies and hanging out.

I have stopped taking the anti-seizure meds -- in conjunction with my doctor's approval. So far so good. My SVT's appear to be more frequent - so now trying to work with the cardiologist some more. We shall see what happens.

Other than that we had a wonderful time this weekend just laying low. This week I need to get working on my Christmas shopping.

Have fun

Being Thankful

Hi everyone --

Well my family has a bunch of things to be thankful for -- my health, my marriage, my family health, my relationship with my God.

Today's grace:

"We are thankful for our family and friends near and far...we are thankful for things which we are provided and things that will be provided for us in the future."

With 2005 coming to an end we hope that 2006 will be much better.

Halloween

Hi everyone-

Three years ago my wife and I moved into a wonderful neighborhood - the first Halloween we had 92 children come buy saying "Trick-or-Treat". This year we are happy to report that while not at 92 the number is 79. But that is up from last years dismal 38. The difference between this year and last year was the weather. It was a lovely evening in New England - not a cloud in the night sky but temperatures hover around 65 degrees. Last year conversly it was misting and 40ish...not so good.

As far as costumes - someone came as a book - but the problem with the book costume while unique the boy's arms where not outside the book. Therefore limiting the ability to choose and gather ones candy. A corpse bride - our neighbor's child very nice costume. And a few medival costumes which where very nice.

All in all a very nice Halloween around our house.

Now if you want a scary event check this out.

The Holter Monitor Test

Hi everyone-



The Holter Monitor test came and went. The last two days I have not been able to take a shower and had to carry around a device the size of a pager to record my heart beats. It was very interesting. I am including a link about the Holter Monitor. But the very interesting this was that they said that there is no pain - sure no pain with the test but when you go to remove the pads for the leads - very painful for a human man with a hairy chest.....can you say ouch.

Should know the results of this test in a couple of days.

Then I have an MRI coming up next week. But Halloween is next bit of fun...can't wait to see how people dressed up this year.

First Frost

Hi everyone-

Well today we had our first frost -- winter 2005/2006 is coming. Soon the mornings will be filled with people plowing their driveways and wondering when all of this "white stuff will ever go away".

Also this year we will be wondering if our bank accounts will be emptied due to the cost of heating our homes.

Comment Spam

Ugh-

I was hit or have been hit for a few weeks now with Comment SPAM. What a pain. So sorry for people placing comments on the blog - they are still anonymous but now you have to play with word verification. So if you need help on how to turn on word verification I have included this with this post.

Blogger Help : What is the word verification option?

Interesting iPod website

Came this along looking for iTunes 6:

http://www.lifehacker.com/software/itunes/index.php

Interesting site.

Update

Hi everyone-

Well we have certainly been doing just fine lately. It is almost like nothing ever happened to me just a month and a day ago. Just in case you haven't been reading the blog for a while I had two grand mal seizures...not the best day I have ever had but certainly not the worst.

Since then I have become the medical mystery of the neurologist that I am seeing - but fun things more tests to come. Heart related tests - nothing big.

Anyway I started to gather all of the hospital information -- MRI and CAT scans have arrived. It was really interesting to look at all of the scans to see what is inside my head - no I can honestly report that it is not a black hole.

But more to the topic at hand. This week has been rather depressing from a weather perspective. Rain. Can I say Rain....wait more Rain.

But last weekend was fun! Saturday is when all of this rain actually started to fall - so Aline and I had a slow day - watching movies and baking a Carrot cake. The carrot cake is for Karla (sister-in-law) which has her birthday party on Sunday in CT. When we go down to CT we took down a bench we got from Wallpole woodworkers for Aline's Mom. The Jeep was filled with people and stuff....it was fun.

Garden Update and Doctors Visits

Hi everyone-

Haven't blogged in a while and some things have happened.

Ryan's Garden is slowly coming to a halt for the winter months. We planted the Kousa dogwood and Con-Colored Fir this weekend. More plants will be coming in from a nursery probably until the end of October but once we get the first ground freezing happening - then we are done. This should happen around the middle of November.

Two more doctors visits have come and gone by without any indication that there is something that could have caused the seizures (my guess is still stress).

Still on the docet is a visit with the vascular neurosurgeon, a holter monitor, a tilt table test, and and an EEG.

So stay tuned.

Kevin

Seizure Disorder - Non Specified

Well that is what they call the diagnosis....people have been asking what they consider my seizures - I consider them a pain in the but. Anyway I seemed to find a website that is very helpful:

http://www.epilepsy.com/

While I have not been diagnosed with epilepsy it has a bunch of helpful information to talk to my doctor about.

Wikipedia Information on Seizure Disorders

Here is the Wikipedia information reguarding seizure disorders....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seizure_disorder

and yes I am not driving for 6 months.....yeah......

Back Home

Hi everyone-

What a rough week. I would like to make sure everyone knows that I am okay. I know that it was a tough week for me and Aline - it was very scary but we made it through it. So after 2 MRI's and 2 CAT scans and a bunch of blood tests nothing was found. Now I can't drive for 6 months ugh!

Well onto the next challenge in life -- actually lets not - lets just lay low.

In the hospital

Well at work yesterday I had seizure -- they rushed me to the hospital only to have another seizure there. So far a bunch have test have not shown much of anything. Stayed tuned.

Thanks a bunch...

....to people who have given flowers to Ryan's Garden. I wanted to make sure I publically thanked everyone who has given so far or will be giving.

The iPods are comming....

....the iPods are comming!

Aline and I have finally made the leap - we are getting a digital music player. After waiting far too long to get one - we are making the leap. Looked at a bunch of different players and decided on the iPod Nano....

Can't wait to play.

Garden Details

Hi everyone-

Well I finally got the slideshow to work -- what a pain. For some reason uploading at the house is not working correctly....strange.

Details:

32' diamter circle -- 16' radius for the wall portion and the stone portion.
240 sq ft of wall
265 sq ft of patio

~700 blocks in the wall
The larger block weighs ~65 lbs
The medium block weighs ~50 lbs
The smaller block weighs ~30 lbs
The cap block weighs in at 72lbs

The bottom coarse that you see which might be half burried on the picture is not the bottom coarse - there is a truely burried coarse.

The bench is facing the direction Ryan is burried.

The patio is a "circle pack". Basically it is all of the neccessary stones needed to make a full circle - in our case we got a single pack and made a half circle. I have no clue how many stones are in the patio....I think I can figure that part out in a few days.

So no onto another project - the garden. Flowers are arriving from many different people. Aline and I would like to thank people for sending parts of their gardens to our garden.

The Garden is done...

Hi everyone-

Ryan's Garden is done. Here is a 360 degree picture of the garden if you stood on the center. I haven't figured out how to piece all of the JPEG images together to get an automated show....can get a still picture but what fun is that.




Here is the before:

Here is the after:

Well Ryan - don't be a stranger - Mommy and Daddy put a lot of effort (and will continue to put effort) into your space. Keep those dragon flys and birds visiting.

Ryan's Garden - Can it be done....

....almost!!!

Yesterday on my Friday off I rented a wet patio brick saw and finished cutting all of the patio block. Returned the patio brick saw. What a day. There was probably only 50 block to cut - not many. I could imagine a more complicated design which would require more cutting. But using the tool was super easy.

Upon return this piece of equipment I had a conversation with the rental guy about cutting through the cap block for the wall. Luckly I brought along with me so he could understand how big and heavy the block is. The block measures 12x16x4 inches and is made out of 5000psi concrete. Doesn't sound like a lot - but weighs 70lbs. There are 42 cap block and all but 2 required cutting. So we ended up buying a blade for this (diamond blade 12") and used this saw:

It is a great saw for cutting through the block. It could have been a little more powerful but all in all it was a great tool - would use it again.

All in all a great two days of work. And I still have all ten fingers.

Aline meanwhile was a real trooper. She has been working on the topsoil, the sand edging, the rock edging and basically all around great person. So what is left. Well sandlock for the patio and some tamping - then truely everything is done. That will happen tomorrow after church.

It has been very hard physically and emotionally - still good therapy. But now with the project ending I need to find something else to do...I wanted this project to go on - yeah I know the gardens and the cleanup will go on - but it is not the same. I'm sure I'll find something.

Google Talk has arrived!!!

The otherwise rumored and talked about feature has arrive from Google -- Google Talk. It is a XMPP protocol compliant chat client. You can download their own client. You must have a gmail account to access this. If you don't have one - they are easy to come by now days.

Works with Trillian Pro -- yeah! It also works with a bunch of other clients -- check this out.

More Pictures -- Garden II

Hi everyone-

So people have been asking for pictures of Ryan's Garden. Well go here. I have pared down some of the extra pictures and given only the relevant ones.

I must say that things are coming along nicely and we have a chance to finish things this weekend - baring weather issues.

Aline's Email - "The Laying of Stones"

Just in case you did not receive the latest email here is a copy of it for your reading enjoyment:

Hello Everyone-

As we finish up the summer I thought I would take some time to fill everyone in on our activities. It is hard to believe that three months have already passed since Ryan’s birth. Kevin and I are both still adjusting and have both good days and bad ones.

All in all, we are making progress both in projects and in the healing process. We have a great support system in our family and friends are quite thankful to have all of you around us. We are slowly starting to venture out of the house socially, but are still spending most of our time with our “safety circle.” This is our circle of friends and relatives that we feel closest to and the ones that realize that there will be no “getting over” Ryan’s death, only getting through life without him. We have joined a support group for parents of stillborns. It meets once a month, and has been very helpful for us. It is just nice to have a place where we can meet other couples who have lost a child, talk with them and share with each other.

I was deeply thankful that FSC was able to find a course for me to teach this summer. It was a repeat for me, which meant little prep time needed. My class met for five hours a day, three days a week, for five weeks. It took up a big chunk of the empty summer and kept me quite busy. Kevin continues to work full-time for Raytheon, but is able to take time when we need it.

The majority of our “spare” time this summer has been spent on Ryan’s garden. This is a thirty-two foot diameter garden that has been built in our back yard. It was designed by Ryan’s Uncle Scott and has been built with lots of hard work from Scott, Karla, Kevin and I. We have also had help from some visitors, mainly my Mom, Dad and Stepmother. I have attached some pictures below, and you can hopefully get the general idea of what things look like. The garden consists of a finished half and a natural half. The natural half is ringed in field stones and contains wild strawberries, blueberries and small pines. The finished portion consists of a concrete paver patio with a ~7 foot wall behind it. The wall is needed because the garden is built into the hill in the side yard. The wall tapers to a sitting wall on both sides, as it comes out of the hill. According to Kevin, we are about 90% done with the structural portion of the project. I can’t wait till it is done. Not only to be able to use the space, but to be able to finally start on the gardens. There is a three foot wide garden in front of the wall, behind the patio and several larger gardens surrounding wall and wrapping around the garden. I know that many of you would like to contribute to the garden, and we would love to have anything that people would like to give. Several people from the church are bringing us items from their own gardens, so it will really have the community feel. So far we have three lilac bushes, a rose bush, a bleeding heart (which hopefully didn’t get fried this summer), and a butterfly bush. The butterfly bush was sent from Oregon, and survived the trip!

The garden is mostly shade with a little sun (mostly in the afternoon). We are still planning on getting the following: 3 trees (a dogwood or a viburnum; a concolor fir and a redbud or a nan king cherry), some bushes (including a shamrock Inkberry, a holly bush, and an autumn brilliance serviceberry) and many flowering plants (rose of Sharon, another bleeding heart, spiarea, bee balm, astilbe and a blue hydrangea). Thankfully there is a nursery right down the road from us, so we should be able to get just about everything with minimal problem. I have also added bird accessories to the garden. Right now I only have two feeders and one fabulous bird house (pictures below), but my hope is to continue to add brightly colored birdhouses and different feeders for years to come. We want this space to celebrate the joy of having our son, not be a dormant, dreary place where only sadness dwells.

Hopefully, you can see from our lives how Kevin and I are laying stones for many new foundations. It is a slow process, but with a solid base, you can build anything you need. Ryan also has his stone. His grave marker was placed about three weeks ago. We still go and visit him often and read him stories or blow bubbles. Mostly we just miss him terribly and pray that God will grant us another child to fill an empty room in an empty house and help to heal some shattered hearts.

A friend from church gave me this poem and I have included it in Ryan’s scrapbook. I found it very moving and it captures how I feel often:

God, we do not understand why You would give us life, only to take it again.
We do not understand why You would let us anticipate birth only to be pained by death.
We ask you to help us to trust in Your goodness and wisdom at a time when our understanding and wisdom falls short.
We ask for courage and strength.


May peace be with you and your families and may no child ever feel unloved.


-Aline

Google Maps Mania

WOW!

I am a real fan of maps in general - but when google maps came out it was a source of great information. It is interesting to now see how people are using the Google Maps APIs to "mashup" other data and the map data.

Some of the mashups listed on the site below seem are really cool. Check out the Google Hurricane Maps.

Google Maps Mania

Have fun...

Overturned truck takes out road

Hi everyone-

Well this made me laugh this morning - A truck overturned carrying 35,000 lbs of explosives and did this:

The article further went on to state:

By that time, between 20 and 30 other people who had been traveling on the highway had gathered around the wreckage to help. They were relieved to see the crew climb out of the truck alive.

But the mood quickly turned frantic: "It's explosives," Lysfjord shouted. "Get out of here." He said there was roughly three minutes between the time of the crash and the explosion.

The blast tore out a crater - 30 feet deep by 70 feet across - in the road, took chunks out of the canyon wall, set more than a dozen brush fires and damaged a Union Pacific rail line.

But it looks like the truck did not do so well:

Article and photos obtained from here.

WOW! I am surprised there is anything left at all.

We're not in Alabama anymore Toto

Take a look at this image from the Boston Globe this morning:



Made me laugh - why you might ask - the road signs with an image of Alabama are in the middle of Easthampton, Mass. Interesting. So just if you are curious is there an Easthampton, Alabama?

Yup! But it doesn't look like route 141 and 10 go through there....

Here is the full article from the Boston Globe:
Word to road crews: Tuscaloosa is over 1,000 miles thataway - The Boston Globe - Boston.com - Mass. - News

Why Mr. Holland's Opus

Hi everyone-

Well last weekend (Sunday to be more specific) we watched Mr. Holland's Opus - a great movie when it came out - now it has an even more important part in my heart. Watch the movie from the perspective next time of a father who has lost - and what the movie would mean from that perspective.

Mr. Holland's Opus (1995)

It is uplifting in that all of the characters in the end bring happyness to everyone and when finally the father gets that his children - his son and his family - really are the most important part in his life.

Garden Pictures

Hi everyone-

As many of you reading this blog have figured out my wife and I recently lost our son - Ryan. Ryan's Uncle Scott is a register landscape architect - so he designed Ryan a garden. Something that we could make it a place to think about things, reflect on things, and to just have fun with our family in - not making it some sacred place.



Here are some pictures of us working on the garden brick by brick. It will be 32 feet in diameter, with ~250 sq ft of wall and 250 sq ft of patio. We have worked on this the last 2.5 weeks. It is really starting to take shape. More as we do more.

Also here is some text from Scott on his thinking:

The plan is essentially the same as developed that day. The overlying form is a circle, a pure element of design. I will call this the circle of life, something which inspired me as I thought about this special garden. Elton John wrote a song titled such as heard in the Lion King. Some lyrics I found relevant:

It's the Circle of Life

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope

Through faith and love

Till we find our place

On the path unwinding

In the Circle

The Circle of Life

The location is inspired by the geographic connection through the natural woodland to Ryan’s place of rest. I think a circle of around 30-ft diameter will work, and this seems to incorporate the white pine and the red maple in that area. The back of the space (to the north) is cut into the existing hill side. This will ultimately be retained either by ledge and boulders found while digging, or if none are found, a wall to be built. This wall could be natural stone (most appropriate but more difficult to build), a SRW or segmental retaining wall (I can show you some of the various options); sloped grade that is planted (this may work but we will have to see) or a combination of these.

As the wall comes to the line which bisects the middle, it will slope down to meet rade, as it also approached the locations of the two trees that are included in the circle. To the east (towards the house, there will be an opening to enter the garden. On the ground plane, are suggestions of paths which can be flat field stone at the edge of the garden, then (as you see on the plan) a few steps set into the existing lawn. Metaphorically, these might be: The path towards the house “going home”; the other towards the street is “going out into the world”. They are a few steps only, the ultimate path determined by the user.

The circle will be completed by placed boulders into the woods. These can be rocks found in the woods, or other.

The garden patio floor may be flat field stone, brick, concrete pavers, blue stone or other. (I can show you some options.) The bench will sit in this area and there is space for other seating, a small table, a small fire pit or other. This space is approximately about 12-ft by 20-ft This will be a flat area defined to the north by the wall with a planting bed in front of it, and to the south by the edge of the exiting woodland. Above the wall will be another planting bed, from the back edge of the wall to probably the existing edge of the lawn now. This bed will wrap back around down to the woods.

I hate summer colds

Hi everyone-

Well I guess it was bound to happen - catching a summer cold. It started Saturday night after working all day on Ryan's garden. I know - pictures of this garden would be nice.

Anyway I think the stress of work and Ryan's death added with the physical exhaustion finally put my immune system to the breaking point - aka I caught a cold.

Missed 2 days of work - but now I'm back....sorta....snif,sneeze,cough...just plain yuck.

Website: Common Cold
Website: NIH Cold Recommendations

Back to blogging

Hi everyone-

So what has been happening that last 2 weeks.

(1) Working way to much
(2) Working on my son's garden
(3) Spending some non-work time composing myself
(4) 4th of July Holiday


Item #1:

Well it has been a wild couple of weeks. Sorry about not posting. Work became very busy. We had a major milestone that we needed to pass successfully - it required me to work several weeks at a break neck pace of 13 hour days mostly - that is an average. It was a great experience - although one that I don't really want to repeat any time soon - months I hope. Basically in the business that I work in our customers like to see demonstrations of the capabilities of the software and hardware and make sure that things are working as specified. Running through our tests things appear to be work as specified - yeah.

Item #2:

Since Ryan died about 6 weeks ago Aline and I have been working through some very difficult but hopefully healing experiences. One of these experiences is working on a memorial garden. We have dug the garden out of a hillside towards the back of our property. We are currently working on getting the pavers and wall stones from Ideal block - very cool company. More specifically we are using the Roman Pisa II for the wall and for the pavers we are using Millstone. We have some pictures which will be posted later. We think things are going along we well. The 3/4" stone which back fills the wall should be delivered today - 15 tons.

Item #3:

During those long hours at work it became very apparent that life has changed direction for Aline and I. We lost our son - and this is very difficult. Long hours at work break down the barriers that you put in place to protect others from your pain - and sometimes that pain gets out. Well hopefully not much of that pain got out to everyone and I am happy to say that Aline and I are fine. It was difficult to balance both aspects of my life - but I think I did pretty well. Not visiting with Ryan most of last week was very difficult to do. I don't know where the strenght came from but it was welcomed. I also want to thank Aline for putting up with me - her compasion and care for me definitally helped me through the rough times. This weekend off from work helped me recenter and figure out what is important. Yeah!

Item #4:

All I have to say is:

Happy Fourth of July America!

Cotton Harlequin bugs

I found this picture while perusing the Washington Post. They are Cotton Harlequin bugs - I just thought they had a very cool coloration. Must give proper credit to Reuters website for the picture:





Anyway just something cool.

Father's Day -- A different perspective

Hi everyone-

Well I had a well meaning post - father's day - something thought provoking, something that would really get the point across. First there was the thought to ignore the day altogether - but that would not be fair to Ryan, he is my son and to ignore the day felt like I was ignoring him...not cool. I needed to figure out some way to honor my son - and I failed (or at least I thought I had you'll see...). The weekend started out as any other weekend - but this one had a small twist. The company I work for has a work schedule called a 9/80. It allows me to work M-Th for 9 hours and the first Friday 8 hours - working out to 40 hours per week over two weeks. It gives you that second friday off. It is really cool. Anyway that friday was my Friday off - Aline and I figured we needed a little together time. We booked a room at our favorite B&B - the Cabernet Inn, in the White Mountains in N.H. Forgot that this weekend was biker's weekend in Laconia - but that did not stop us from going. We also scheduled some time on Friday to go get Ryan's grave stone (flat marker). We got his stone. As soon as it comes in a picture will be placed here. Had a nice drive up.

Saturday came and so did the rain. It rained all day - off and on - but mostly on. Hiked down Cathedral Ledge on Saturday morning. We had some time to talk during our walks. It was good to talk - it was a time to work through some of what had been bothering us. A bunch of trails were washed out - 2 inches of water heading down one of the trails we thought would be good to hike - so much for that trail. Anyway it was about 6 miles of trails we did in the morning. Back for Strawberry shortcake at the B&B. Dinner that evening was at the T.H.E (The Thompson House Eatery) in Jackson, N.H. What a great place to eat.

Sunday - Father's day. Here it was the big day - planned to be SOOOO different...the drive back went fine. We left early enough to miss most if not all of the traffic from bike week. Drove home. I could not think of anything to do for Ryan...I did not vocalize this either with Aline...I sat in the car and drove. I tried to think of a song to sing...I thought maybe I could read his book I read to him the same book I read during the pregnancy - but I wasn't ready. I thought maybe screaming outside would help... I chickened out. We did get Ryan some flowers from Kabloom to place at the cemetary which was really cool. But there wasn't anything else that we could do - nothing. I tried to figure out a way to take him for a walk - I had tried to take a bear we have been taking with us places on our walk around the mountains of NH but it was raining - and I did not want the bear to get wet. I wanted to go around braging about my son - but people would not understand what was so special about Ryan.

What was father's day to me - it was time to think about my son and the time I spent with him. I am going to miss what Ryan would have drawn for me in art class or made me wear proudly the next day to work. But most of all I think about him - just him - and that is what father's day is to me.

Love ya Ryan.

Dad

June -- National Safety Month

June is National Safety Month - so for the rest of the month be safe. Kinda funny - email just came around letting us know that June is safety month - would have been nice to draw attention to it at the beginning of the month.

National Safety Council - Your Safety&Health Leader for 90 Years

"A little funny"

Day by Day -- Step by Step

Hi everyone-

Just in case you did not get the email Aline sent out tonight here is a copy to share:

Hello one and all-

We wanted to take a few minutes and update everyone on our activities up here. First and foremost, thank you all for your love, support, kindness and generosity in the past month. Yes, it has been 4 weeks since Ryan Daniel was born and died.

Kevin has returned to work full time, and is trying to balance work, grief, and home. He thinks he is doing a pretty good job, and I would have to agree. It is easy to get lost at work and loose track of time and the world around you, but every once in a while it just sneaks up on you. Overall, he is doing well (his own words).

I have been working on lectures and going to school a few times a week. As it turns out, the instructor who was taking over my summer course had a minor heart attack, and was advised by his physician not to teach this summer. The department asked if I would take the class, and I decided to do it. It is a course I have taught before, so it should not take very much prepwork to get ready. Not to mention, it is the course I am teaching this fall, so I need to get it ready. I have also started to do some research again. I am in the process of getting a new assay up and running, and the school has even been helping me out with some financial assistance.

Now for the things most of you are more interested in:

For those of you who missed it, we do have some extra copies of Ryan's service leaflet and would be happy to get you one. We have also obtained the recording of his funeral, and Kevin is working on making a it DVD that includes the pictures since last November.

We have both been writing lots- me in my journal held over from the pregnancy, and Kevin on his blog site (http://kevdavis.blogspot.com). It seems to help mostdays, and in combination with some of the books we have been given, helps the processing continue.

We have been to both the physician and a private counselor, both of which agree that we are utilizing all of the tools available to us, and we are making good progress, both physically and mentally. We find this a bit frustrating, because everyday it is still hard to get out of bed, progress through the day and have a semi-normal evening without Ryan being here with us. The doc and counselor said the fact that we do get up, shower, eat and work show that we are making progress. We just wish they had a magic pill that could make everything better and make all of the hurt go away. We have also found a support group at a local hospital. They meet next Tuesday and we are planning on going.

I have started a scrapbook to remember and preserve Ryan's life. So far I have done a page celebrating his birthday, ultrasound pages, notes to Ryan from Kevin and I, and more pictures from his birthday. I am working on the pages for the two showers, and still have to get the preggie pics and the nursery pics organized. If you have any pictures from Ryan's life that you particularly like, please feel free to send them along. We would love to add them to his scrap book. I am also putting together a shadow box containing dried flowers from his arrangements and we plan to get a silver rattle placed in the middle.

As far as the nursery goes, this has been one of the hardest things for us to deal with. The week that Ryan died, I cleaned all of the maternity clothes out of my closet, but did not want to change his room. After his funeral, we started to pack some things up. We donated all of the diapers, wipes and other disposible items to the House of Hope, a local charity. His blankets and rattles were boxed and put downstairs, with all of his other large items (highchair, bouncy seat, pack-n-play, etc). We did keep out one of his rattles, I will fill you in on that in a bit. His closet is still filled, but we have shut the door. The changing table was taken down as was the hamper and most of the other items in the room. The current plan is to make this room into a quiet reading/meditation room, but some of Ryan's things will stay. His quilt and cross are still on the wall, and his rocking horse is still there, as are his basket of books. The crib is still up, but is stripped.

Ryan is buried about 2 miles away from the house. I have been to see him everyday since his funeral and tend to read to him (thus why the basket of books is still in the nursery). We have placed a teddy bear at his grave and a rattle. The rattle is from his room. We figured that he needed to have at least one of them and it was not right to pack them all away. He also has flowers that we take care of everyday. This Friday we are going to meet with the monument seller to purchase Ryan's stone. Hopefully it will not take long to get, and can be in by the end of the summer.

We are starting to plan a memorial garden for Ryan that will be in our yard. Scott is in the process of designing it, and we have started to collect items for it. So far we have a rose bush, a bleeding heart, a lilac bush, and a couple of trees. We also have a lovely teak bench for sitting. The garden will back up to the woods that are actually continuous with the grounds of the cemetary.

It is amazing how much your life can change in an instant. We went from experiencing some of the happiest days we have ever had to extreme heartbreak. We know that our son is in a better place, and that there must be a masterplan that we are unaware of, but I will always wonder why he couldn't stay with us for just a while longer. Of course, a lifetime with him still would not have been enough for me.

You may have noticed that this email is entitled "day by day, step by step." This is our new slogan for the summer and for the life ahead. We take it day by day, step by step. We have good days and bad days, and work through them together. Step by step we continue on life's journey. We are in the process of trying to figure out how life keeps going, even though Ryan is not here to share it with us.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. -A

RK

Hi everyone-

Tonight while reading to Ryan a black cat with a white tuxedo decided to befriend us at the cemetary. While we are both cat lovers - you have to be careful that we don't bring something home that Mackanzie would become sick - don't think we can handle that right now. So this cat has been seen around the cemetary - especially around the "Davis Loop". Aline and I have seen the cat during the time we are at the grave reading to Ryan. Today the cat decided to come over and say hello. And as all cat's say hello - purring, rubbing - we started to wonder why all of a sudden this cat should take an interest in complete strangers. Well Ryan of course. So the cat is now named affectionitally "Ryan's Cat" or RK for short.

Take care...

what a next step...

Hi everyone-

Tonight seems to be a processing night. Interesting events this week - we finally have figured out what this step I seem to be sitting on is called in the grief process. Neutral. Well at least that is what I am calling it. Neutral seems to be a good thing to call it. Because it is easy to go into reverse or any other gear of the grief transmission. Not only is it easy to put it in the gear the engine seems to be providing enough power to go in reverse very easily and moving forward only has 2 gears - very slow and slow.

Car analogy done.

It is a very interesting spot - Aline and I had been planning for several months (10 to be exact - well maybe 7 years) that Ryan would be impacting our lives in a very dramatic fashion. Well he certainly did - not just the way we had planned. Now that the plans are basically not happening - we have to continue to figure out what is next. Well life is next. What is most interesting about that is that life is returning to what it was before all of the planning. Well mostly in that direction. It is about balencing what is now that needs to still happen with what I am feeling emotionally - speaking of emotions grieving silently is not really grieving it is just post-poning something that will impact you later...might as well get it over with.

But being in neutral is what is happening now - it is about figuring out how the piece of my life can fit back together with a new addition and a hole in my heart that will never be filled.

This is something that I have been tossing around in my head for a few days - probably closer to a week and a half. Aline is starting to enter this space as well. I don't know if I have described this well enough but - it is my words and this is what flowed.

Peace...

Free Programming Resources - freeprogrammingresources.com

CS is my game and programming is included in my name....

Boy that is lame. Anyway - someone from work turned me onto this website:

Free Programming Resources - freeprogrammingresources.com

Seems to be a really good clearing house of information. If you have any others post them in the comments.

.....

Grief: Monster or Rainbow

Grief - wikipedia defines grief this way. The article entries also has a great entry on stillborn children. Seems to work for me but it only begins to stratch the surface. Last friday we went to see a grief counseler -- interesting. Everything we talked about with her seemed to re-enforce that we "where doing everything right and to keep going." How I longed for her to say - "You are doing it all wrong - do it this way it will be faster/easier/less painful". But alas all normal - just keep doing what you need to do and this will heal.

So is grief a monster or rainbow. Well I bring up the subject of a rainbow only because it seems to be in the forefront of my thinking. This evening as I got home from a long day at work - 11 hours - we needed to go see Ryan at the cemetary. Well with purplish clouds and green hues to them - it was the better thought to wait until the storm clouds had pushed passed before going to the cemetary. Clouds pushed by and behold a rainbow! Ryan you did a great thing - what a beautiful rainbow. Okay so grief as a rainbow. We all know that the rainbow brings fun happy memories - a money pot, some little green guy running around giving away wishes. Well I wished on that rainbow today...can't tell but family and friends will come very close to the wish. Grief and a rainbow - first the differing colors of the rainbow should remind us that there are different stages to grief. Each color could even give a mood to grief - red -> anger, orange -> the place between anger and sadness, yelllow -> feer/loathing, green -> the place between fear and sadness, blue -> sadness, indigo -> a color so deep that it intensifies the feelings, violet -> a flower/sense of hope. My rainbow is my wife, my son, my future children, my friends, my relatives, my God, and my hope for the future. Maybe not the order or whathaveyou, but at least they are all there. Each of them brings a sense of happiness and longing.

Grief as a monster. No matter what people say about grief - it is not a monster. It is a large dragon with 3 heads, a sword, and flys away when you finally understand the weekness of grief. Weekness might see like a word that I would apply to myself - but that is not what I mean - I mean grief is week it eventually gives up and only comes back for short bursts and small battle. My monster currently appears to have retreated into the cave - to brood and not present itself. I hope that I can start to grieve again - it feels really good to cry some nights. It just feels like the weight of the situation is lightening. But maybe my grief monster is slowly finding that the cave is more confortable and I may not need it so much. Well maybe so - but I am not putting my shields up and facing the grief monster is task that needs to be done.

So those are my rather deep thoughts - but it certainly feels good to say all of this.

Rainbow stay with me - monster stay with me.

Me...

Still Processing...

My blog site was started to find things that I might find fun. Now my blog site is going to include some things about my son Ryan. What I might think Ryan might like to understand, what I think Ryan might want to understand about our family.

Today we started to think about getting a memorial marker for our son's grave site. It is amazing how difficult it is to find a company that makes markers locally. I can understand why businesses are reluctant to enter this business because of the emotional involvement of the purchases. I am not worried about the cost - because we can handle the expenses - but we are looking some expenses which where not expected. We will work through it.

Today we also started to think about a memorial garden some more - what kind of shape, what kind of stones, what kind of flowers and trees. People have been so generous with their gifts (talents and treasures) we are trying to incorporate all of them into the garden.

Something else a friend gave for Ryan - more for us to remember Ryan - is a star. Have to figure out where the star is located - plus we will need to get a bigger telescope to really see Ryan's star.

Having some fun....

The Funeral

Hello everyone-

Today was the day that my wife and I buried our son. Now while it sounds like something that has a finality or something very dreaded - it was a glorious day. Not only did our son give us fabulous weather, he also earned his wings - well maybe we finally believed he earned his wings. We had a great service at our church - All Saint Episcopal, Chemlsford, MA. My wife and I planned the order of service - we made sure that the music was appropriate, that the readings reflected the meaning we placed with our son and ourselves, as well as having a full Eurcarist with the service.

Friends and Family came from as far away as Oregon, Kansas, New York, Pennslyvania, Maryland, Florida, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. The church was full - not over flowing but very full. It was a glorious outpouring of love for our family and our son. The church pulled out all of the stops - the handbell chior, the junior chior, the adult chior. Barbara Willman quilted the paw which did not exist a week ago. In the forty years at the church - or at least this parishinor told me that we where the only third baby which had died.

Ryan our son was stillborn 11 days ago. While the impact of this has not yet been fully relized - I relize that the time to grieve is still here and will be for many more months.

Okay so another part of today - the burial. While it may seem like something that is done by the staff - we believe that the burial should be done by the family. It is a glorious tradition. It brings a finality to the event and starts the healing. I would encourage everyone to do this with their family. Current society kinda leave the coffin hanging in the air - waiting for the staff to burry the coffin. Why? Years ago the family would dig the grave, place the coffin, and burry the coffin. Burry your coffins - make it a time to tell stories about the person or give some time to reflect on what is happening.

Finally to all that have sent letter and cards of condolences - Thank you. It means so much to hear from everyone.

Well having some fun....

Reflections

The funeral mass is planned - and the order of service is done.

The flowers are ordered.

The cemetary is set.

Ryan I miss you.

Ryan I love you.

Daddy

Guess the Dictator or Sit-Com Character

Previous posts you may have noticed that my wife and I are dealing with some serious emotional stuff - everyone needs a distraction. Go play "Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character". It is mind numbing fun that can last for a few minutes or hours. The program is also "self learning". If you think of a new path to get to your person then you can enter the question.

Guess the Dictator or Sit-Com Character

Still not having fun...

Arrangements for Ryan Daniel

Hello everyone-

Since the last post a bunch of things have started to happen. We have purchased a cemetery plot for our son Ryan and ourselves - wow 33 years old and knowing where you are going to be layed to rest.....not something I really wanted to have to think about. Westlawn Cemetary in our town will be the final resting place for our son. It is a nice plot. No plot in front of us at all. A new england stone wall is behind the plot. Which means no one will be walking all over Ryan's resting place. We also got the cemetary 1 mile as the crow flies away from the house. I guess that is as close as I will have my son to me.

Our son Ryan arrived in the same town as we live the a couple of days ago (Friday I think). The days are running together. But I think that is because I have not worn a watch for some time.....

Today we also figured out that the funeral will be on Saturday May 28th at 10:00AM. Aline and I are starting to work in the order of service. This will be great therapy for us - but difficult.

Yesterday we went out for our first trip. Wow is society cold - and that is not meant to be mean - what I meant is that we have had so many great people who have been in touch with us to surround us with warmth and love that the general public has no clue. Nor do we want people to know by annoucing it at the top of our lungs everywhere we go.

My wife and I have been reading a book called Empty Arms. It is helping. We are also going to figure out some sorta group to visit and talk with.

Monday is going to be a challenege - we think. I am going back to work, and Aline will be with friends. The first time we are more than an arm length apart since Ryan's death.

So more looking at pictures, more smells.

Miss you Ryan - my son.

Still not having much fun...

A Baby is born...

Hi everyone-

Ryan Daniel Davis was born as a stillborn to my wife and I on Tuesday May 17, 2005 at 5:07pm. He weighed 7lbs, 9.2oz, measured 20 inches long. Everything about Ryan is absolutely perfect in every way with one exception - he never took a breath. We spent 6 hours with our son - finding out that he has my wife's nose and chin, my lips, my dark hair - brown with a hint of red, my hands - long fingers and lines that were exactly the same, my wife's feet - long second toe and all.

Ryan was baptised by Father Norman of St. Mark's Church that night. And now Ryan is with God. Brittiany will watch over Ryan, he will play with Ben and Christopher, Granddaddy Sangrey will teach him bocci, Grandfather Davis will make sure his hair is trimmed, Grandmother and Grandfather Austin will make sure he knows how to fish and cook the meal. We are at peace knowing that Ryan is now with God.

But Jesus called them unto Him, and said, ‘Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of God.’

Luke 16:18

We have our pictures of Ryan, we have a blanket that smells like a baby boy. We have a bear which we named King to help us remember to hug and hold our baby.

I must say one more thing - I am so proud of my wife! She was in labor for 12 hours and laboring (pushing) for 3 hours. She was simply awesome. And I love her so much - words can not even begin to explain.

And now we need to plan a funeral. We know that he will be buried in town so Ryan will be close to us - within walking distance. We know that the funeral will be on the 28th of May.

Not Having fun at all....

Aurora - due to a G5 solar flare

An amazing event happened over the weekend....A huge solar flare on friday:



Caused great Auroras to happen. Check out this image from South Dakota taken by Alan Sewell:



I think that picture is awesome. Seen as far south as Laurel, MD

have fun....

BlendTrans -- IE Only

Well I am trying something out on the blog using an IE Only BlendTrans. A little more investigation shows an cross browser option using JavaScript. Not implemented yet but it should be more powerful to show off pictures (future baby pictures).

I think it is pretty cool.

Have fun...

Computerize Running shoe

An AP story on Yahoo shows what computers can do for a running shoe. No only if they can hook those up to my feet so that they can do the exercise it would be great!

Yahoo! News - Review: Computerized Shoe Adjusts on Fly

have fun...

The beavers are coming ... the beavers are coming

Since I missed the post to Patriots Day and I wanted to talk about our beaver problem in the neighborhood combining them seemed like a good topic.

(1) Patriots Day - "Shot heard round the world"



The American Revolution or as the British would call it the "American Agression" was started in Lexington, MA on the town green. Over a few days it finally progressed to the Old North Bridge which is where the Minute Man assembled and drove back the British Regulars. This is also where Paul Revere sounded his famous "The british are coming; the british are coming". Friends who have visited have found that this is usually our first tour when you show up to our house.

(2) Beavers



It appears we have a coloney of beavers in our neighborhood. Not a good thing. While I like the wildlife - this particular wildlife has decided to flood 20 pieces of property that where not flooded at all. It is threatening our septic systems and is less than 400 feet from a public water supply. Now we just gotta figure out what to do.

Now you can understand why the combination of the two seemed appropriate.

Have fun...

Cherry Blossom Webcam -- Washington Post

It's Cherry Blossom time in Washington, D.C. It is absolutely beautiful and if you have never seem them you should make a trip to the lower tidel area in downtown and see the cherry blossoms. Here is a webcam published by the Washington Post for those of us who miss seeing the cherry blossoms up-close-and-personal.

Cherry Blossom Cam

Here is the time lapse of the blossoms.

Picking a pediatrician

Ah the pediatrician - wow what a decision.

Where we live there are a few single doctor practices and a couple of large practices. We have decided to go with one of the larger practices unless they both really don't agree with us.

So Tuesday was the first "interview" at the first doctor's office. It went very well. They have amazing office hours 7AM-8PM M-F, then they have Saturday and Sunday hours as well. She was a very nice doctor. The office was also very integrated with all of the other support services. The office had lab services, xray, ct, and mri in the facility, it also had other doctors that we could use (internal medicine).

Today is the next "interview". We shall see how this place measures against the first doctor and the office. This facility also has other doctors, but it doesn't have the integrated labs. We will see how that plays out.

Both of the offices have privileges at Emerson Hospital.

Well I guess this is the next step.

Have fun....

God Bless

Pope John Paul II 1920-2005