Hello Everyone-
As we finish up the summer I thought I would take some time to fill everyone in on our activities. It is hard to believe that three months have already passed since Ryan’s birth. Kevin and I are both still adjusting and have both good days and bad ones.
All in all, we are making progress both in projects and in the healing process. We have a great support system in our family and friends are quite thankful to have all of you around us. We are slowly starting to venture out of the house socially, but are still spending most of our time with our “safety circle.” This is our circle of friends and relatives that we feel closest to and the ones that realize that there will be no “getting over” Ryan’s death, only getting through life without him. We have joined a support group for parents of stillborns. It meets once a month, and has been very helpful for us. It is just nice to have a place where we can meet other couples who have lost a child, talk with them and share with each other.
I was deeply thankful that FSC was able to find a course for me to teach this summer. It was a repeat for me, which meant little prep time needed. My class met for five hours a day, three days a week, for five weeks. It took up a big chunk of the empty summer and kept me quite busy. Kevin continues to work full-time for Raytheon, but is able to take time when we need it.
The majority of our “spare” time this summer has been spent on Ryan’s garden. This is a thirty-two foot diameter garden that has been built in our back yard. It was designed by Ryan’s Uncle Scott and has been built with lots of hard work from Scott, Karla, Kevin and I. We have also had help from some visitors, mainly my Mom, Dad and Stepmother. I have attached some pictures below, and you can hopefully get the general idea of what things look like. The garden consists of a finished half and a natural half. The natural half is ringed in field stones and contains wild strawberries, blueberries and small pines. The finished portion consists of a concrete paver patio with a ~7 foot wall behind it. The wall is needed because the garden is built into the hill in the side yard. The wall tapers to a sitting wall on both sides, as it comes out of the hill. According to Kevin, we are about 90% done with the structural portion of the project. I can’t wait till it is done. Not only to be able to use the space, but to be able to finally start on the gardens. There is a three foot wide garden in front of the wall, behind the patio and several larger gardens surrounding wall and wrapping around the garden. I know that many of you would like to contribute to the garden, and we would love to have anything that people would like to give. Several people from the church are bringing us items from their own gardens, so it will really have the community feel. So far we have three lilac bushes, a rose bush, a bleeding heart (which hopefully didn’t get fried this summer), and a butterfly bush. The butterfly bush was sent from Oregon, and survived the trip!
The garden is mostly shade with a little sun (mostly in the afternoon). We are still planning on getting the following: 3 trees (a dogwood or a viburnum; a concolor fir and a redbud or a nan king cherry), some bushes (including a shamrock Inkberry, a holly bush, and an autumn brilliance serviceberry) and many flowering plants (rose of Sharon, another bleeding heart, spiarea, bee balm, astilbe and a blue hydrangea). Thankfully there is a nursery right down the road from us, so we should be able to get just about everything with minimal problem. I have also added bird accessories to the garden. Right now I only have two feeders and one fabulous bird house (pictures below), but my hope is to continue to add brightly colored birdhouses and different feeders for years to come. We want this space to celebrate the joy of having our son, not be a dormant, dreary place where only sadness dwells.
Hopefully, you can see from our lives how Kevin and I are laying stones for many new foundations. It is a slow process, but with a solid base, you can build anything you need. Ryan also has his stone. His grave marker was placed about three weeks ago. We still go and visit him often and read him stories or blow bubbles. Mostly we just miss him terribly and pray that God will grant us another child to fill an empty room in an empty house and help to heal some shattered hearts.
A friend from church gave me this poem and I have included it in Ryan’s scrapbook. I found it very moving and it captures how I feel often:
God, we do not understand why You would give us life, only to take it again.
We do not understand why You would let us anticipate birth only to be pained by death.
We ask you to help us to trust in Your goodness and wisdom at a time when our understanding and wisdom falls short.
We ask for courage and strength.
May peace be with you and your families and may no child ever feel unloved.
-Aline
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