Hello everyone-
Today was the day that my wife and I buried our son. Now while it sounds like something that has a finality or something very dreaded - it was a glorious day. Not only did our son give us fabulous weather, he also earned his wings - well maybe we finally believed he earned his wings. We had a great service at our church - All Saint Episcopal, Chemlsford, MA. My wife and I planned the order of service - we made sure that the music was appropriate, that the readings reflected the meaning we placed with our son and ourselves, as well as having a full Eurcarist with the service.
Friends and Family came from as far away as Oregon, Kansas, New York, Pennslyvania, Maryland, Florida, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. The church was full - not over flowing but very full. It was a glorious outpouring of love for our family and our son. The church pulled out all of the stops - the handbell chior, the junior chior, the adult chior. Barbara Willman quilted the paw which did not exist a week ago. In the forty years at the church - or at least this parishinor told me that we where the only third baby which had died.
Ryan our son was stillborn 11 days ago. While the impact of this has not yet been fully relized - I relize that the time to grieve is still here and will be for many more months.
Okay so another part of today - the burial. While it may seem like something that is done by the staff - we believe that the burial should be done by the family. It is a glorious tradition. It brings a finality to the event and starts the healing. I would encourage everyone to do this with their family. Current society kinda leave the coffin hanging in the air - waiting for the staff to burry the coffin. Why? Years ago the family would dig the grave, place the coffin, and burry the coffin. Burry your coffins - make it a time to tell stories about the person or give some time to reflect on what is happening.
Finally to all that have sent letter and cards of condolences - Thank you. It means so much to hear from everyone.
Well having some fun....
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A weblog about random thoughts that Kevin seems to have...
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3 comments:
One thing to keep in mind is as good it is to be able to grieve, cry and miss your loved one. It is ok to have fun and enjoy life too.
I think the most apt description that I've heard about grieving is you are transitioning from one way of life to another. You start in a context of having a particular person in your life and the events you were planning on having with them. Gradually those current plans and expectations fade away. You'll look at life a little different than you did before. Part of that transition is to allow yourself to be happy again.
I found for me that transition had some trashing where I would initially say I should be happy, but I am not, but maybe I am but I feel guilty about it. I definitely felt close to being psychotic when going through these phases.
Take care,
--td
Terry-
Thanks for the reminder. Aline and I are trying to have fun as well as dealing with the loss. Right now having fun is doing little things - blowing bubbles, taking a walk, watching some birds...and trying not to feel guilty about it. Watching movies and laughing are our next task. I think my biggest problem is understanding when it is the right time to laugh and when it is the right time to hit the punching bag a little bit....
At risk of appearing pedantic, which I am, did you mean a quilted "pall"? I'm a little confused.
And, if I might, let me add "California and Ohio".
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