Father's Day -- A different perspective

Hi everyone-

Well I had a well meaning post - father's day - something thought provoking, something that would really get the point across. First there was the thought to ignore the day altogether - but that would not be fair to Ryan, he is my son and to ignore the day felt like I was ignoring him...not cool. I needed to figure out some way to honor my son - and I failed (or at least I thought I had you'll see...). The weekend started out as any other weekend - but this one had a small twist. The company I work for has a work schedule called a 9/80. It allows me to work M-Th for 9 hours and the first Friday 8 hours - working out to 40 hours per week over two weeks. It gives you that second friday off. It is really cool. Anyway that friday was my Friday off - Aline and I figured we needed a little together time. We booked a room at our favorite B&B - the Cabernet Inn, in the White Mountains in N.H. Forgot that this weekend was biker's weekend in Laconia - but that did not stop us from going. We also scheduled some time on Friday to go get Ryan's grave stone (flat marker). We got his stone. As soon as it comes in a picture will be placed here. Had a nice drive up.

Saturday came and so did the rain. It rained all day - off and on - but mostly on. Hiked down Cathedral Ledge on Saturday morning. We had some time to talk during our walks. It was good to talk - it was a time to work through some of what had been bothering us. A bunch of trails were washed out - 2 inches of water heading down one of the trails we thought would be good to hike - so much for that trail. Anyway it was about 6 miles of trails we did in the morning. Back for Strawberry shortcake at the B&B. Dinner that evening was at the T.H.E (The Thompson House Eatery) in Jackson, N.H. What a great place to eat.

Sunday - Father's day. Here it was the big day - planned to be SOOOO different...the drive back went fine. We left early enough to miss most if not all of the traffic from bike week. Drove home. I could not think of anything to do for Ryan...I did not vocalize this either with Aline...I sat in the car and drove. I tried to think of a song to sing...I thought maybe I could read his book I read to him the same book I read during the pregnancy - but I wasn't ready. I thought maybe screaming outside would help... I chickened out. We did get Ryan some flowers from Kabloom to place at the cemetary which was really cool. But there wasn't anything else that we could do - nothing. I tried to figure out a way to take him for a walk - I had tried to take a bear we have been taking with us places on our walk around the mountains of NH but it was raining - and I did not want the bear to get wet. I wanted to go around braging about my son - but people would not understand what was so special about Ryan.

What was father's day to me - it was time to think about my son and the time I spent with him. I am going to miss what Ryan would have drawn for me in art class or made me wear proudly the next day to work. But most of all I think about him - just him - and that is what father's day is to me.

Love ya Ryan.

Dad