Day by Day -- Step by Step

Hi everyone-

Just in case you did not get the email Aline sent out tonight here is a copy to share:

Hello one and all-

We wanted to take a few minutes and update everyone on our activities up here. First and foremost, thank you all for your love, support, kindness and generosity in the past month. Yes, it has been 4 weeks since Ryan Daniel was born and died.

Kevin has returned to work full time, and is trying to balance work, grief, and home. He thinks he is doing a pretty good job, and I would have to agree. It is easy to get lost at work and loose track of time and the world around you, but every once in a while it just sneaks up on you. Overall, he is doing well (his own words).

I have been working on lectures and going to school a few times a week. As it turns out, the instructor who was taking over my summer course had a minor heart attack, and was advised by his physician not to teach this summer. The department asked if I would take the class, and I decided to do it. It is a course I have taught before, so it should not take very much prepwork to get ready. Not to mention, it is the course I am teaching this fall, so I need to get it ready. I have also started to do some research again. I am in the process of getting a new assay up and running, and the school has even been helping me out with some financial assistance.

Now for the things most of you are more interested in:

For those of you who missed it, we do have some extra copies of Ryan's service leaflet and would be happy to get you one. We have also obtained the recording of his funeral, and Kevin is working on making a it DVD that includes the pictures since last November.

We have both been writing lots- me in my journal held over from the pregnancy, and Kevin on his blog site (http://kevdavis.blogspot.com). It seems to help mostdays, and in combination with some of the books we have been given, helps the processing continue.

We have been to both the physician and a private counselor, both of which agree that we are utilizing all of the tools available to us, and we are making good progress, both physically and mentally. We find this a bit frustrating, because everyday it is still hard to get out of bed, progress through the day and have a semi-normal evening without Ryan being here with us. The doc and counselor said the fact that we do get up, shower, eat and work show that we are making progress. We just wish they had a magic pill that could make everything better and make all of the hurt go away. We have also found a support group at a local hospital. They meet next Tuesday and we are planning on going.

I have started a scrapbook to remember and preserve Ryan's life. So far I have done a page celebrating his birthday, ultrasound pages, notes to Ryan from Kevin and I, and more pictures from his birthday. I am working on the pages for the two showers, and still have to get the preggie pics and the nursery pics organized. If you have any pictures from Ryan's life that you particularly like, please feel free to send them along. We would love to add them to his scrap book. I am also putting together a shadow box containing dried flowers from his arrangements and we plan to get a silver rattle placed in the middle.

As far as the nursery goes, this has been one of the hardest things for us to deal with. The week that Ryan died, I cleaned all of the maternity clothes out of my closet, but did not want to change his room. After his funeral, we started to pack some things up. We donated all of the diapers, wipes and other disposible items to the House of Hope, a local charity. His blankets and rattles were boxed and put downstairs, with all of his other large items (highchair, bouncy seat, pack-n-play, etc). We did keep out one of his rattles, I will fill you in on that in a bit. His closet is still filled, but we have shut the door. The changing table was taken down as was the hamper and most of the other items in the room. The current plan is to make this room into a quiet reading/meditation room, but some of Ryan's things will stay. His quilt and cross are still on the wall, and his rocking horse is still there, as are his basket of books. The crib is still up, but is stripped.

Ryan is buried about 2 miles away from the house. I have been to see him everyday since his funeral and tend to read to him (thus why the basket of books is still in the nursery). We have placed a teddy bear at his grave and a rattle. The rattle is from his room. We figured that he needed to have at least one of them and it was not right to pack them all away. He also has flowers that we take care of everyday. This Friday we are going to meet with the monument seller to purchase Ryan's stone. Hopefully it will not take long to get, and can be in by the end of the summer.

We are starting to plan a memorial garden for Ryan that will be in our yard. Scott is in the process of designing it, and we have started to collect items for it. So far we have a rose bush, a bleeding heart, a lilac bush, and a couple of trees. We also have a lovely teak bench for sitting. The garden will back up to the woods that are actually continuous with the grounds of the cemetary.

It is amazing how much your life can change in an instant. We went from experiencing some of the happiest days we have ever had to extreme heartbreak. We know that our son is in a better place, and that there must be a masterplan that we are unaware of, but I will always wonder why he couldn't stay with us for just a while longer. Of course, a lifetime with him still would not have been enough for me.

You may have noticed that this email is entitled "day by day, step by step." This is our new slogan for the summer and for the life ahead. We take it day by day, step by step. We have good days and bad days, and work through them together. Step by step we continue on life's journey. We are in the process of trying to figure out how life keeps going, even though Ryan is not here to share it with us.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. -A