Seizure Disorder - Non Specified

Well that is what they call the diagnosis....people have been asking what they consider my seizures - I consider them a pain in the but. Anyway I seemed to find a website that is very helpful:

http://www.epilepsy.com/

While I have not been diagnosed with epilepsy it has a bunch of helpful information to talk to my doctor about.

Wikipedia Information on Seizure Disorders

Here is the Wikipedia information reguarding seizure disorders....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seizure_disorder

and yes I am not driving for 6 months.....yeah......

Back Home

Hi everyone-

What a rough week. I would like to make sure everyone knows that I am okay. I know that it was a tough week for me and Aline - it was very scary but we made it through it. So after 2 MRI's and 2 CAT scans and a bunch of blood tests nothing was found. Now I can't drive for 6 months ugh!

Well onto the next challenge in life -- actually lets not - lets just lay low.

In the hospital

Well at work yesterday I had seizure -- they rushed me to the hospital only to have another seizure there. So far a bunch have test have not shown much of anything. Stayed tuned.

Thanks a bunch...

....to people who have given flowers to Ryan's Garden. I wanted to make sure I publically thanked everyone who has given so far or will be giving.

The iPods are comming....

....the iPods are comming!

Aline and I have finally made the leap - we are getting a digital music player. After waiting far too long to get one - we are making the leap. Looked at a bunch of different players and decided on the iPod Nano....

Can't wait to play.

Garden Details

Hi everyone-

Well I finally got the slideshow to work -- what a pain. For some reason uploading at the house is not working correctly....strange.

Details:

32' diamter circle -- 16' radius for the wall portion and the stone portion.
240 sq ft of wall
265 sq ft of patio

~700 blocks in the wall
The larger block weighs ~65 lbs
The medium block weighs ~50 lbs
The smaller block weighs ~30 lbs
The cap block weighs in at 72lbs

The bottom coarse that you see which might be half burried on the picture is not the bottom coarse - there is a truely burried coarse.

The bench is facing the direction Ryan is burried.

The patio is a "circle pack". Basically it is all of the neccessary stones needed to make a full circle - in our case we got a single pack and made a half circle. I have no clue how many stones are in the patio....I think I can figure that part out in a few days.

So no onto another project - the garden. Flowers are arriving from many different people. Aline and I would like to thank people for sending parts of their gardens to our garden.

The Garden is done...

Hi everyone-

Ryan's Garden is done. Here is a 360 degree picture of the garden if you stood on the center. I haven't figured out how to piece all of the JPEG images together to get an automated show....can get a still picture but what fun is that.




Here is the before:

Here is the after:

Well Ryan - don't be a stranger - Mommy and Daddy put a lot of effort (and will continue to put effort) into your space. Keep those dragon flys and birds visiting.

Ryan's Garden - Can it be done....

....almost!!!

Yesterday on my Friday off I rented a wet patio brick saw and finished cutting all of the patio block. Returned the patio brick saw. What a day. There was probably only 50 block to cut - not many. I could imagine a more complicated design which would require more cutting. But using the tool was super easy.

Upon return this piece of equipment I had a conversation with the rental guy about cutting through the cap block for the wall. Luckly I brought along with me so he could understand how big and heavy the block is. The block measures 12x16x4 inches and is made out of 5000psi concrete. Doesn't sound like a lot - but weighs 70lbs. There are 42 cap block and all but 2 required cutting. So we ended up buying a blade for this (diamond blade 12") and used this saw:

It is a great saw for cutting through the block. It could have been a little more powerful but all in all it was a great tool - would use it again.

All in all a great two days of work. And I still have all ten fingers.

Aline meanwhile was a real trooper. She has been working on the topsoil, the sand edging, the rock edging and basically all around great person. So what is left. Well sandlock for the patio and some tamping - then truely everything is done. That will happen tomorrow after church.

It has been very hard physically and emotionally - still good therapy. But now with the project ending I need to find something else to do...I wanted this project to go on - yeah I know the gardens and the cleanup will go on - but it is not the same. I'm sure I'll find something.

Google Talk has arrived!!!

The otherwise rumored and talked about feature has arrive from Google -- Google Talk. It is a XMPP protocol compliant chat client. You can download their own client. You must have a gmail account to access this. If you don't have one - they are easy to come by now days.

Works with Trillian Pro -- yeah! It also works with a bunch of other clients -- check this out.

More Pictures -- Garden II

Hi everyone-

So people have been asking for pictures of Ryan's Garden. Well go here. I have pared down some of the extra pictures and given only the relevant ones.

I must say that things are coming along nicely and we have a chance to finish things this weekend - baring weather issues.

Aline's Email - "The Laying of Stones"

Just in case you did not receive the latest email here is a copy of it for your reading enjoyment:

Hello Everyone-

As we finish up the summer I thought I would take some time to fill everyone in on our activities. It is hard to believe that three months have already passed since Ryan’s birth. Kevin and I are both still adjusting and have both good days and bad ones.

All in all, we are making progress both in projects and in the healing process. We have a great support system in our family and friends are quite thankful to have all of you around us. We are slowly starting to venture out of the house socially, but are still spending most of our time with our “safety circle.” This is our circle of friends and relatives that we feel closest to and the ones that realize that there will be no “getting over” Ryan’s death, only getting through life without him. We have joined a support group for parents of stillborns. It meets once a month, and has been very helpful for us. It is just nice to have a place where we can meet other couples who have lost a child, talk with them and share with each other.

I was deeply thankful that FSC was able to find a course for me to teach this summer. It was a repeat for me, which meant little prep time needed. My class met for five hours a day, three days a week, for five weeks. It took up a big chunk of the empty summer and kept me quite busy. Kevin continues to work full-time for Raytheon, but is able to take time when we need it.

The majority of our “spare” time this summer has been spent on Ryan’s garden. This is a thirty-two foot diameter garden that has been built in our back yard. It was designed by Ryan’s Uncle Scott and has been built with lots of hard work from Scott, Karla, Kevin and I. We have also had help from some visitors, mainly my Mom, Dad and Stepmother. I have attached some pictures below, and you can hopefully get the general idea of what things look like. The garden consists of a finished half and a natural half. The natural half is ringed in field stones and contains wild strawberries, blueberries and small pines. The finished portion consists of a concrete paver patio with a ~7 foot wall behind it. The wall is needed because the garden is built into the hill in the side yard. The wall tapers to a sitting wall on both sides, as it comes out of the hill. According to Kevin, we are about 90% done with the structural portion of the project. I can’t wait till it is done. Not only to be able to use the space, but to be able to finally start on the gardens. There is a three foot wide garden in front of the wall, behind the patio and several larger gardens surrounding wall and wrapping around the garden. I know that many of you would like to contribute to the garden, and we would love to have anything that people would like to give. Several people from the church are bringing us items from their own gardens, so it will really have the community feel. So far we have three lilac bushes, a rose bush, a bleeding heart (which hopefully didn’t get fried this summer), and a butterfly bush. The butterfly bush was sent from Oregon, and survived the trip!

The garden is mostly shade with a little sun (mostly in the afternoon). We are still planning on getting the following: 3 trees (a dogwood or a viburnum; a concolor fir and a redbud or a nan king cherry), some bushes (including a shamrock Inkberry, a holly bush, and an autumn brilliance serviceberry) and many flowering plants (rose of Sharon, another bleeding heart, spiarea, bee balm, astilbe and a blue hydrangea). Thankfully there is a nursery right down the road from us, so we should be able to get just about everything with minimal problem. I have also added bird accessories to the garden. Right now I only have two feeders and one fabulous bird house (pictures below), but my hope is to continue to add brightly colored birdhouses and different feeders for years to come. We want this space to celebrate the joy of having our son, not be a dormant, dreary place where only sadness dwells.

Hopefully, you can see from our lives how Kevin and I are laying stones for many new foundations. It is a slow process, but with a solid base, you can build anything you need. Ryan also has his stone. His grave marker was placed about three weeks ago. We still go and visit him often and read him stories or blow bubbles. Mostly we just miss him terribly and pray that God will grant us another child to fill an empty room in an empty house and help to heal some shattered hearts.

A friend from church gave me this poem and I have included it in Ryan’s scrapbook. I found it very moving and it captures how I feel often:

God, we do not understand why You would give us life, only to take it again.
We do not understand why You would let us anticipate birth only to be pained by death.
We ask you to help us to trust in Your goodness and wisdom at a time when our understanding and wisdom falls short.
We ask for courage and strength.


May peace be with you and your families and may no child ever feel unloved.


-Aline

Google Maps Mania

WOW!

I am a real fan of maps in general - but when google maps came out it was a source of great information. It is interesting to now see how people are using the Google Maps APIs to "mashup" other data and the map data.

Some of the mashups listed on the site below seem are really cool. Check out the Google Hurricane Maps.

Google Maps Mania

Have fun...

Overturned truck takes out road

Hi everyone-

Well this made me laugh this morning - A truck overturned carrying 35,000 lbs of explosives and did this:

The article further went on to state:

By that time, between 20 and 30 other people who had been traveling on the highway had gathered around the wreckage to help. They were relieved to see the crew climb out of the truck alive.

But the mood quickly turned frantic: "It's explosives," Lysfjord shouted. "Get out of here." He said there was roughly three minutes between the time of the crash and the explosion.

The blast tore out a crater - 30 feet deep by 70 feet across - in the road, took chunks out of the canyon wall, set more than a dozen brush fires and damaged a Union Pacific rail line.

But it looks like the truck did not do so well:

Article and photos obtained from here.

WOW! I am surprised there is anything left at all.

We're not in Alabama anymore Toto

Take a look at this image from the Boston Globe this morning:



Made me laugh - why you might ask - the road signs with an image of Alabama are in the middle of Easthampton, Mass. Interesting. So just if you are curious is there an Easthampton, Alabama?

Yup! But it doesn't look like route 141 and 10 go through there....

Here is the full article from the Boston Globe:
Word to road crews: Tuscaloosa is over 1,000 miles thataway - The Boston Globe - Boston.com - Mass. - News

Why Mr. Holland's Opus

Hi everyone-

Well last weekend (Sunday to be more specific) we watched Mr. Holland's Opus - a great movie when it came out - now it has an even more important part in my heart. Watch the movie from the perspective next time of a father who has lost - and what the movie would mean from that perspective.

Mr. Holland's Opus (1995)

It is uplifting in that all of the characters in the end bring happyness to everyone and when finally the father gets that his children - his son and his family - really are the most important part in his life.

Garden Pictures

Hi everyone-

As many of you reading this blog have figured out my wife and I recently lost our son - Ryan. Ryan's Uncle Scott is a register landscape architect - so he designed Ryan a garden. Something that we could make it a place to think about things, reflect on things, and to just have fun with our family in - not making it some sacred place.



Here are some pictures of us working on the garden brick by brick. It will be 32 feet in diameter, with ~250 sq ft of wall and 250 sq ft of patio. We have worked on this the last 2.5 weeks. It is really starting to take shape. More as we do more.

Also here is some text from Scott on his thinking:

The plan is essentially the same as developed that day. The overlying form is a circle, a pure element of design. I will call this the circle of life, something which inspired me as I thought about this special garden. Elton John wrote a song titled such as heard in the Lion King. Some lyrics I found relevant:

It's the Circle of Life

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope

Through faith and love

Till we find our place

On the path unwinding

In the Circle

The Circle of Life

The location is inspired by the geographic connection through the natural woodland to Ryan’s place of rest. I think a circle of around 30-ft diameter will work, and this seems to incorporate the white pine and the red maple in that area. The back of the space (to the north) is cut into the existing hill side. This will ultimately be retained either by ledge and boulders found while digging, or if none are found, a wall to be built. This wall could be natural stone (most appropriate but more difficult to build), a SRW or segmental retaining wall (I can show you some of the various options); sloped grade that is planted (this may work but we will have to see) or a combination of these.

As the wall comes to the line which bisects the middle, it will slope down to meet rade, as it also approached the locations of the two trees that are included in the circle. To the east (towards the house, there will be an opening to enter the garden. On the ground plane, are suggestions of paths which can be flat field stone at the edge of the garden, then (as you see on the plan) a few steps set into the existing lawn. Metaphorically, these might be: The path towards the house “going home”; the other towards the street is “going out into the world”. They are a few steps only, the ultimate path determined by the user.

The circle will be completed by placed boulders into the woods. These can be rocks found in the woods, or other.

The garden patio floor may be flat field stone, brick, concrete pavers, blue stone or other. (I can show you some options.) The bench will sit in this area and there is space for other seating, a small table, a small fire pit or other. This space is approximately about 12-ft by 20-ft This will be a flat area defined to the north by the wall with a planting bed in front of it, and to the south by the edge of the exiting woodland. Above the wall will be another planting bed, from the back edge of the wall to probably the existing edge of the lawn now. This bed will wrap back around down to the woods.

I hate summer colds

Hi everyone-

Well I guess it was bound to happen - catching a summer cold. It started Saturday night after working all day on Ryan's garden. I know - pictures of this garden would be nice.

Anyway I think the stress of work and Ryan's death added with the physical exhaustion finally put my immune system to the breaking point - aka I caught a cold.

Missed 2 days of work - but now I'm back....sorta....snif,sneeze,cough...just plain yuck.

Website: Common Cold
Website: NIH Cold Recommendations

Back to blogging

Hi everyone-

So what has been happening that last 2 weeks.

(1) Working way to much
(2) Working on my son's garden
(3) Spending some non-work time composing myself
(4) 4th of July Holiday


Item #1:

Well it has been a wild couple of weeks. Sorry about not posting. Work became very busy. We had a major milestone that we needed to pass successfully - it required me to work several weeks at a break neck pace of 13 hour days mostly - that is an average. It was a great experience - although one that I don't really want to repeat any time soon - months I hope. Basically in the business that I work in our customers like to see demonstrations of the capabilities of the software and hardware and make sure that things are working as specified. Running through our tests things appear to be work as specified - yeah.

Item #2:

Since Ryan died about 6 weeks ago Aline and I have been working through some very difficult but hopefully healing experiences. One of these experiences is working on a memorial garden. We have dug the garden out of a hillside towards the back of our property. We are currently working on getting the pavers and wall stones from Ideal block - very cool company. More specifically we are using the Roman Pisa II for the wall and for the pavers we are using Millstone. We have some pictures which will be posted later. We think things are going along we well. The 3/4" stone which back fills the wall should be delivered today - 15 tons.

Item #3:

During those long hours at work it became very apparent that life has changed direction for Aline and I. We lost our son - and this is very difficult. Long hours at work break down the barriers that you put in place to protect others from your pain - and sometimes that pain gets out. Well hopefully not much of that pain got out to everyone and I am happy to say that Aline and I are fine. It was difficult to balance both aspects of my life - but I think I did pretty well. Not visiting with Ryan most of last week was very difficult to do. I don't know where the strenght came from but it was welcomed. I also want to thank Aline for putting up with me - her compasion and care for me definitally helped me through the rough times. This weekend off from work helped me recenter and figure out what is important. Yeah!

Item #4:

All I have to say is:

Happy Fourth of July America!

Cotton Harlequin bugs

I found this picture while perusing the Washington Post. They are Cotton Harlequin bugs - I just thought they had a very cool coloration. Must give proper credit to Reuters website for the picture:





Anyway just something cool.